Majority of the time the phrase ‘know your worth’ is referred to by women, in relation to how their partner(s) make them feel. It is so important for all of us to know our worth, whether we are male or female. Knowing our worth is vital when it comes to the decisions that we make in our life especially when it comes to choosing our friends, lovers/partners and careers.
Without even realising, a lot of us may find ourselves making decisions based on how we value ourselves. For instance, if somebody were to have very low self esteem, were unhappy inside or had a sense of loneliness, they may find that they will tolerate being treated badly by the person that they are in a relationship with a lot more than someone who is happy with themselves as a whole. Even when it comes to friendships, someone may find that they’ll stand for fake behaviour, disloyalty and/or bitchiness from the people they consider to be their ‘friends’. These are all more than enough reasons to make any normal person feel down.
I started to grow tired of the direction in which I was heading at one point. I touched up on this briefly in my previous post but have decided to go into it in more depth here. All of a sudden, I got this urge that something(s) needed to change. One of the biggest things that helped me to pick myself up, was learning to let go. I let go of all negativity around me. This included a toxic relationship, toxic friendships and negative distractions. I’m somebody who doesn’t like change, so letting go has always been something that I would find difficult. Most of the time it was just because I was unsure of what it would be like to no longer have that person there. I would constantly ask myself “but, what if?” I guess this was just because I was afraid to one day regret leaving that person behind. These were all questions that were just distracting me from the truth. I had a really bad habit of keeping unnecessary people around. I would hang on to anything that I could, just so I could keep myself from letting go. I was a victim of the “hey stranger” and “long time” conversations, and would entertain them whenever they popped up. I wish I’d had known then, what a waste of a conversation it was about to be. Unfortunately, back then, it took me a lot longer to be able to recognise when somebody was being genuine or not. I’m SO thankful I woke up when I did, and I was able to shake off these bad habits, because letting go allowed me to make room for better things and it allowed me to get to know myself again.
There was a large part of my life where I didn’t know my worth, I didn’t love myself as a person nor was I the biggest fan of my looks. I always had a lot of doubt in myself and my insecurities would always get the better of me. I wouldn’t believe the compliments that people gave me, and would always act awkward after receiving them. At the time, I surrounded myself with people who didn’t tend to bring out the best in me and I didn’t even realise I didn’t know my worth. Over time, I learnt that the phrase ‘love yourself’ meant way more than actually being in love with the way that you look. Whilst transitioning into the person that I am now, (which I’m still nowhere near close to being the person I aim to be) I eventually began to understand how some people were so confident in themselves, yet not one bit obsessed with their appearance.
Once I became happy with who I was as a person, everything else became clearer, and I started to see things in a more positive light. I started to count my blessings a lot more and realised how grateful I am for everything that I have and the few people I have in my life. Not everybody is lucky enough to have good opportunities and genuine people fall into their lap, and I don’t consider myself to be one of those fortunate people. It has taken me a couple of set backs, lots of changes and a few sacrifices along the way in order for me to find my place of happiness, that I am at now.
When it comes to jobs, careers and education, I’m one to take a gamble. I hate feeling tied down to anything that isn’t what I want to do, wasting my time or doesn’t make me happy. I hate complaining about doing something, knowing full well, I have the power to change it.
I remember the first ‘proper’ job I got after I left university, It was non-degree related, but it was an office job (my first office job), and boy did I HATE it. It was customer service, I’ve always hated people so I don’t even know why I even wasted my time providing customers with my service lol. I would dread going into work and when I got there, I would just think about all the goals that I’ve set for myself. On non busy days, while I was waiting for calls to come in, I would scribble down ideas for my portfolio and doodle design ideas for potential project ideas I came up with. I lasted about 5 months at this place, (I knew within the first 3 weeks of being there, that I didn’t want to stay) before getting up and leaving. I stayed long enough to save sufficient funds to be comfortable enough to get up and leave. All because, I knew my worth! I knew I was way better than being spoken to like shit over the phone by such horrible, miserable people, who had no idea who I was. I didn’t even hand my notice in, I just told myself I would quit by a certain date, and thats exactly what I did. I knew I no longer wanted to be coming home so miserable over a job I didn’t even like. I knew this job wasn’t going to take me anywhere far and I knew I had way too much ambition to be working in a call centre. I knew I didn’t spend 4 years at university and however many years before that, in education, to waste my time stuck in an office, wishing I could do more with my time. I remember being so hesitant as I didn’t actually have a plan. I was complacent with the money I was receiving each week, and hadn’t actually found another job. I took full advantage of living with my parents, and used the time I wasn’t working to work on my portfolio and to also move in with my partner, which gave me the opportunity to finally be able to pursue my career as a Graphic Designer! The majority of us that work full time in this 9-5 world will find that we will spend most of our life at work, which is why we need to find something that makes us happy.
Taking chances in anything we do, will always seem daunting. The unknown can be off-putting for a lot of us, especially for someone like me. Although taking chances can lead to happiness, it is not always going to guarantee a great outcome first time round either, we need to prepare for setbacks. Along with high expectations, can come great disappointment, but we should not allow this to discourage us from setting ourselves big goals. Personally, I’m someone who would rather know that I am in control of my happiness, rather than feeling like my emotions are in somebody else’s hands. So with that being said – whenever my crown begins to fall, whether it is somebody else knocking it off or I am just not giving myself enough credit. I push it back on and remember that I’m doing just fine. I tell myself that the obstacles that I am facing are all because I refuse to settle for less, because I know my worth. I am protecting what’s mine, especially my sanity.